art in the yard

was today. it was pretty cool. (i know i know, i haven’t said anything…)
i got ‘free hugs’ painted on my face, and then so did heather. hiral got a goatee-unibrow combo, and i got pics of mateo. which is a miracle. also from him i got a hug, but i got those from everyone.
i bought some earrings and took more pictures. we basically had no bells today; a.i.t.y., algebra, phys. sci. (aced a test, by the way), half history, half a.i.t.y., then lunch (also a.i.t.y.), then english, then a.i.t.y., then what could have been a.i.t.y. but i went on the fields and walked.

and about this week; i had bad food and absolutely DIED after school. it was terrible.
and today i tripped on some neanderthal’s purse/bag thing and banged my jaw on a the edge of a table.
so it hurts to eat. and i, unlike so many teenage… well it’s thursday so ‘girl’ doesn’t apply, but i do like to eat. and that’s why it sucks.
<33
oh, and i’m going to spain this summer. angie was gonna come with me but her dad wanted to take her somewhere, so whatever. i’ll have the ‘rents, and they’re cool.
plus probably more tolerable than any of my
‘friends’.
and i haven’t been over the ocean before, it’ll rock.
and here we go, funny incident time:
for am. history, we had an essay test. if we made an outline for it over the weekend and it was approved, we could transfer it to one side of a 3-by-5 index card. gordon, whose sister had already taken our am. history class, had heard from her that he was supposed to copy his whole ESSAY to the card. poor jen. but i love the girl. :p
i’ll post something longer and better soon, i swear!

useless possessions and passover, too

i spent too much money on shit i don’t need or particularly want. i went in to get a used video game and came out with 2 games and a guide. do i need it? no. do i want it? no. did the realization of this put me into a bad mood? yes.

though it may have to do with the lack of bread. D: yepp, it’s passover time, which i justly dislike, but do anyway. they had soft shell tacos at school, and what do i get? matzo nachos. 😐 better than the rest of the week will be, i bet.

i really don’t want to do this. the game or the food-lacking. but the seders last night and the night before that, they were fun.

on wednesday we went to a family friend’s thing, me and matrem. 😐 we listened to max play the guitar in the living room, in between prayers, and i talked to the others, including telling sam that if he didn’t stop kicking me from under the table i’d take his foot off, and talking about random sht with ben.

then last night i went to eve’s seder with my godmother and her boyfriend (eve’s dad) and my parents. oh, and eve’s mom and sister. them, too. we acted silly and i found BOTH of the afikomen, thank you very very much! but we all got prizes, which deflated my ego a bit (god knows i need it).

anyway, if you want to go inflate your ego and/or feel better about your life, or at least think it isn’t so shitty, go here:

http://www.fmylife.com

fuck

my

life.<3

hope you enjoy.

song meme that i made up

i made this meme, cause i kind of rock, and it’s sad that this is the only ‘good’ thought that i had whilst doing chemistry homework. 😐 the songs are basically what i ‘think’ of the people. 🙂 clever, aren’t i? :p

 

• vaughn pablo y. – ‘he wasn’t’, avril lavigne
• mateo nathan r. – ‘the perfect drug,’ nine inch nails
• zakk attakk – ‘if we kissed,’ fiona apple
• lashanda ivana e. – ‘just the girl’, the click five 
• amelia emily n. – ‘sleepers,’ saosin
• topher christian a. – ‘uncle fucker,’ terrence and philip (ohh, topher. xD)
• heather ivy s. – ‘on my own,’ three days grace
• angie jessica d. – ‘never let you go,’ alexia philips
• eve zoey n. – ‘sympathy,’ the goo goo dolls
• hiral robert d. – ‘soul man,’ the blues brothers
• jaxton alton h. – ‘wish you were here,’ pink floyd (this is our song, and purely coincidence. >:3 yeah!)
• colette alexandra r. – ‘lady marmalade,’ patti labelle
• stacey carol f. – ‘bullshit,’ mindless self indulgence
• noelle ever costello – ‘another one bites the dust,’ queen (really?)
• dot madison m. – ‘mr. sandman,’ the chordettes (i’m a freak)
• lynn emily s. – ‘mood rings,’ relient k

 

there’s an inkling of truth to this. xD which is a bit sad. and i liked the irony of jaxton and my song coming up. 🙂 by the way, vaughn is totally a new addition to this. we talk in class a lot, and i’m probably calling him tonight to keep guessing about a girl he likes.

apparently she’s in my clique (she’s listed here) and she’s not ‘popular’. (that pretty much comes with being in my clique. XD)

so i have no idea what i’ll do if it’s me, which it probably isn’t. it could be:

• dot

1. he doesn’t like her because she told a secret of his

• heather
• lynn

1. she liked him a while ago and majorly freaked him out by pitching a fit about it

• stacey

1. they’re exes

• angie

1. they’re exes
2. they had a huge fight after a period of ignoring each other and after breaking up
3. not really a huge fight, but a long, angry silence and a bunch of random insults on her part

• eve
• noelle/me
• collette
• zakk (it’s totally possible!)

1. he said that it was a girl
2. they’re best friends
3. but they’re kind of cute together. . . not that any of you have seen them, but it’s adorable. take my word for it.

• cici

1. they don’t talk. cici, sophie, molly, marianna, and maryanne are not exactly in our clique, either.

• sophie

1. they don’t talk. cici, sophie, molly, marianna, and maryanne are not exactly in our clique, either

• molly

1. they don’t talk. cici, sophie, molly, marianna, and maryanne are not exactly in our clique, either.

• marianna

1. they don’t talk. cici, sophie, molly, marianna, and maryanne are not exactly in our clique, either.

• maryanne

1. they don’t talk. cici, sophie, molly, marianna, and maryanne are not exactly in our clique, either.

likely suspects? eve, collette, heather, and me. now, if it’s me, i have no idea what to do. he knows (like, uh, the rest of the grade!) that i’m bisexual, but god. if i liked a boy, and it turned out that he liked another boy…

well, it wouldn’t be too ego crushing. maybe i’d watch porn with him. XD i really wouldn’t care, but i’m weird. but is it a huge blow to a guy’s ego? rejecting him, for a girl? D: jesus. i just hope it isn’t me.

not that i don’t want people to like me, but…

oh, and zakk is not single anymore. which is sad, believe me. they’ll be done before summer, though. he ignores her, because he’s just awkward, and she gets pissed and annoying when she does. and she’s not a nice person, so maybe he’ll come to his senses?

noo, she’s not nice. she’s talented and pretty, but nice, no. humble, no. focused or dedicated, no.

…i don’t like her. duh. but i haven’t liked her since forever. she acts exactly like me, but, in the oh so subtle words of an idiot-boy whose name i will not mention (i don’t even know who it was anyway) ‘she’s prettier’.

well, sure. a short, skinny, tanned girl with big brown eyes and dirty blonde streaked hair is probably more conventionally pretty than an average height, 34-24-36 (beat that, bitches. :p), redheaded/purple-haired/brunette/whatever girl with green eyes, bangs, and glasses.

oh, hell. maybe everyone just lacks taste.

maybe.

‘and i opened my e-mail, and i was like; ‘what? carrots? in THERE?” ‘wouldn’t they tickle? . . . like, the feathers? i think they’re peck at you, too.’ ‘…what?’ ‘well, you know. a parrot? in there?’ ‘…idiots.’ — me, eve, heather, eve, and me. in that order. in p.e. we discussed why guys always talk about how they look at porn, but girls are quiet about it.

(… not us. but that’s for another time! sayonara!)

voices

no, i’m not hearing them (yet). it’s just, people don’t like other people because they look… unpleasing. is it superficial to dislike or avoid someone because of the way they sound?

not that i do this. not too much. i’ll turn the phone volume down if i talk to eve, because her voice gives me headaches, but that’s the worst i do. and i avoid her when she’s happy, because she talks a lot, and with a verrry high pitched voice.

helium=do not want.

maybe it’s for another reason? maybe it is. i have no idea. i don’t have a problem with any other people’s voices; not steph’s (and her voice is pretty high) and not mattia’s (whose sounds a lot like mine (low + mumbling)), not heather’s, not lashawnda, and not annnny of the guys.

because they have voices of a normal tone. but why eve? would i still avoid her if the opening of her mouth gave me a headache? or is it just, when i’m in a bad mood, or she’s one-upped me (everyone loves to one-up their biffs. admit it), and maybe i’m just a horribly jealous person?

yeah, that’s about right. but then, she, for some reason, revulses me some times. not all of the time, and not even most of the time. i just feel like vomiting.

but then again, even my relatives can make me do that. but not as often. and that’s why i worry. 😐

that’s all for now. i’m probably going to a party with lashawnda. i mean, i’m sure she’ll go with me (we’re acquainted pretty well), and it’s not like she’ll think it’s a big deal,

BUT I’M SO DAMN NERVOUS ABOUT THE REJECT-SHUN. D:

i mean both of those words in that compound the way they are written. just so you know. but the party’s in may anyway (some memorial day shindig at a pool i go to. no huge deal. 🙂 )

happy day happy day. 😐

‘she’s a rebel, she’s a saint, she’s assault of the earth– and she’s dangerous.’ –green day, ‘she’s a rebel’

bznztrhrtyj

i know that’s not the sound one makes when she vomits, but it’s pretty damn close. layman’s terms? i’m sick. hacking up phlegm, vomiting phlegm, migraines, can’t move my eyes right because of the damn migraines, stomach cramps SICK.

as for the vomiting phlegm… i am not the breakfast type. so when i ran home, i didn’t have anything to vomit. except the pill i had taken.

and i stayed in classes until a mind-blowing TEN-O-CLOCK! well, ten thirty, give or take ten minutes (i had to run around and get home and sign out and get my assignments and blahblahblah).

i would have left earlier, except my algebra exam needed to be taken. and so it was. i haven’t gotten my results back, but wish me luck. ❤

uhmm. no more news. i’m doing my history assignments. it’s raining HARD here. the honour society induction, and my miniparty with aisha, eve, amelia, and dot is tomorrow.

i wanna get better. D:

for lack of a quote, i shall bid you adieu.–ma.gi.k.

horrible day horrible week

ech. my day and week have kind of sucked. i missed half of the week after spring break because of cramps

(i get bad cramps. vomiting, moaning, not willing to move or swallow my own saliva kind of cramps.)

and then i got a c+ (83) on my algebra quiz. i think it was a quiz. and so my grade dropped two points to a ninety-one, which i cannot have. D: so the last test is this friday (quarterly exams this week, loves. :D)

or at least, it was supposed to be this friday. mr. e had an important announcement! it’s NOT this friday! it’s THURSDAY! a.k.a., TOMORROW! LUEGO! CRAS! D:

so twenty percent of my grade relies on an exam that i know nothing about. quadratics and that shit. D:

buuuut in homeroom, we got to paint sets for the upperclassmen-play; suessical the musical. i don’t know how to spell it, sorry. 😦 and i only got paint on the soles of my shoes (a huge achievement for me)

but of course there had to be a downside to this venture into the caféteria; the upperclassmen were eating and watching us. and, great for me, some idiot boys were staring at me on the way out.

not that this is unusual; i have strange encounters with the upperclassmen all the time–

including an incident where angie and i were practicing a dance for p.e. and some freak guy goes ‘heyyy, do you need any help?’ to moi. ‘no, thanks.’ ‘you sure?’ ‘yes, i’m sure.’ ‘mkay!’ he goes back inside, then comes back out; ‘are you positive?’ ‘YEAH, I AM.’ oi, people.

and then that time when i was walking through the lobby and some freak goes ‘heyyy i can help you take off that shirrrrt!’ (yeah, he spoke like that. intelligent, right?)

–so i’m used to it. basically. but of course the idiots have the audacity to point at laugh at me. i don’t care if they’ve got ‘seniority’ or are of the ‘superior gender’, fuck that. i was wearing a black top with some sparkly stars and cheetah-print pants; muted colours are rare on me! it’s not like i was dressed… (too) weird.

idiots.

and i couldn’t go to mr. e for help with the exam after school, because i had to practice my induction to the honour society. it’s horribly boring. amelia, jaxton, and i ended up talking the whole time. && hiral. we talked about how stupid it was and boring and blahblahblah. i’ll prolly be a’cross-dressin’. yep. sports-bras and all. (jeez i’ll be uncomfortable sitting there. OHWELLS! anything to piss off the supervisor, who’s pissed me off, too. so we’ll be even. <33)

and onto another crappy part of my day? i know i love hiral and all, but he can be such a dickhead sometimes. D: i call my father to see what time i was leaving, but of course he takes the spaces between my speech to scream

‘MARILYNNN! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ONNN!’

‘no, really. what time are we– hey, shut up!’

‘NO, SOMEONE MIGHT COME IN AND SEEEEE!’

‘sorry, dad. no, wait what?’

‘HURRY UP!!’

‘he hung up on me, thanks.’

(my dad was actually extremely pissed at me and lectured me in the car for a few minutes. it wasn’t my fault! D: i can’t leave the learning resource center (LRC). i’m not allowwwed. D: i might run awayyyy.)

yeah that’s pretty much how it went. in all of its glory. and i guess i was pissed about the whole day or something, i don’t know, but i left the room (without my rucksack! (idiot)) and started crying as i walked down the hall with a notebook of mine, when who do i run into, but zakk? the golden-boy, who i never want to see me cry. i get eye contact and then break away and frikkin’ run.

and, with my luck, it’s into a room full of half-dressed lacrosse players. female, don’t worry. i at least went into the right room. so i sit there, pressing toilet paper on my nose to stop my sniffling (getting sick. something else ohsowonderful. oh and the crying. that, too), solving quadratics, my legs crossed so hopefully people will forget i’m there, and then there’s one girl left; lashanda.

just my luck (at least i didn’t have to sneeze…).

so while i wait for her to leave, eve comes in and goes into (lucky me) the stall next to me. now, she wasn’t around for the phone debacle, so i wrote on my hand, ‘hi’. and the conversation goes from there. i ask if she wouldn’t mind getting my backpack from the LRC please?

so she does, which is lovely. i ask where she’s been, and she was outside, which is where i join her. buuut as soon as we’re out there, her mom drives up. so i start up on my h/w again, after telling her my story and watching her go.

oh and on top of that, i left my english assignment with mr. h (old teacher, three years ago. also jaxton’s dad), and i really like it and want to show it to people.

but jaxton comes out and we talk about my situation and about drama and girls and blahhh. he’s a bit upset that lynn is pissed (which, she wasn’t mad at him. she was mad because hiral was singing the backstreet boys. (traumatic past? who knows.)), and we talk about that.

then mr. h and a few other teachers i like come out, and mr. h told me that my poem was great and that it made him sad that as a writer he couldn’t write like that.

now that was a bit uh extreme because i’m not that, well, good.

but apparently it impressed people (shrug) i don’t know. we’ll see. maybe it’ll go up here. it’s about someone on my ‘people’ list, if anyyyone cares. haa, doubt. as if people read my angsty musings.

so after they leave, i sit there and work, and the only other people outside are on the other side of the school (still visible and audible) (and still loud and obnoxious. stupid people). of courrrse, i hear my full name (first and last) (someone at the school has my first name), shouted ‘OHHHH IT’S ______ __________!! HAHAHAHHT$@$T!!1@!!!!!!!!ELEVENTYOMG!’.

because i’m verrrrry popular. 🙂

and then hiral comes out and asks how long have i been sitting out here and aren’t i cold and what’s up and he’s sorry if he pissed me off and it’s his fault.

but men will always hang up on you anyway.

uhhh, great quote, hiral. xD at least he remains serious through all of my trivial woes.

so that was it, excluding the little lecture from mi padre. i’ll leave that bit out, ’cause we’re cool now.

maybe i’ll put my poem up…

‘non potis facis salem in tuus oculis.’ –kids in the hall, my family’s latin motto, translated poorly by MOI!

new year’s resolutions

i’ve got several of these babies. one was fulfilled before the new year, but i’m putting it here anyway.

–tell mother about my ‘little crush’ on a girrrrl. (done! :0 proud proud proud)

–be less self-conscious.

–take better care of my teeth. (now that i’m a BRACE FACE i need to… D: yep, braces (i know i’m a bit old for them, but motherrr insists. ew.))

–be less SHY and manage to snag a lovely (in)significant other. please.

–get rid of the people that think that they’re my ‘friends’ who are really venomous and horrible people most of the time

–learn how to eat with tinsel teeth

–educate myself (more than already) (and i am not talking ‘what year did francis drake circumnavigate the world. i am talking something INTERESTING and FABULOUS like sewing or making my own clothes)

–drop a pants size

–work on music and poetry, and write some more

–mask my chest and shy away from all of stacey’s boob jokes. 😦

that’s it, that i can think of. shallow, amirite? i always feel fat. probably because i wear about the same size in pants as my godmother. who’s 45. (except i’m something like 34-24-34, and i have no idea what she is) i’ve been in a rut with all of my art lately. sooo… there’s that. boob jokes have been torture for years, since i (embarrassingly) went from a training bra to a c-cup in six months (roughly).

hopefully the weight loss will result in more confidence and less peoplephobia. the dental hygiene will also help with that, i hope. so that’s it. feel free to tell me any new year’s resolutions of yours, loves. (oh, yeah. no readers. ha-ha!)

‘why are some girls so naive? he didn’t unbutton your blouse to see a better view of your heart; oh yeah, can’t blame you for trying.’ –meg and dia (roses)

intelligence, variables, and presents

ack. as a total loner by nature, people kind of avoid me; or used to. i had some huge breakthrough somewhere between sixth and seventh grade, and people magically adored me. sadly that isn’t my favourite thing in the world.

but all my life i’ve been known as the smart girl, the one who knows how to spell everything, the one who corrects the teacher, the one who wants to be an editor when she gets out of big, bad college (which i do, totally. but that is not the point).

but the problem with having an identity at an über-small school like mine is that you can’t lose it. there’s no upper-mobility, whatsoever. i’m the smart girl who everyone suddenly discovered was cool, but i’m still smart.

not that i don’t like being smart. hell, i love it. but the consequences/results of answering something ‘wrong’ or not knowing an answer are strange:

option one: superiority. ‘oh! .you. don’t know the answer? i feel so much smarter now. god, i thought you were so smart, but i guess not.’ the person feels far more intelligent than they actually are, even though they think that ‘chicken’ is an adverb that describes ‘eat’.

option two: pity. ‘oh, i’m sure it was just a mistake. it’s not your fault. nobody can be right all the time.’ best result of all. understanding, but almost to the point of my nauseation. better than snobbery, i suppose.

option three: you’re new to it. ‘please. you just learned this. how can you be right? i’m right. i’ve been doing it.’ not exactly something that happens when you’re wrong, but if you’re new to something, and someone thinks you’re wrong, they think your newbie-status means that you have no right to be and are not capable of being correct in anything you are new to. (haven’t they ever heard of being adaptable?)

option four: loss of ‘reputation’. ‘oh, i guess you aren’t that smart if you didn’t know .that. (they then continue to cling to your coattails the next day)…’ annoying and repetitive. one gets sick of this person’s multiple personalities, clinging to you when it’s convenient but jeering at you when you’re wrong. (cads.)

so of course i deal with that sort of thing. the ‘ha-ha you’re wrong i’m right i must be smarter than the ‘genius’ now!’ bullshit just gets annoying after about twenty times.

((–oh, that was lovely. i have to eat  dinner before eight p.m.. damn my not being hungry.–))

so there is that. and on the topic of intelligence, which sort of leads to education which leads to school which leads to algebra, which leads to variables which is a bit of my homework.

s, t, l, i, o, and certain other letters should never ever be used as variables. ‘S’ looks like a 5, ‘t’ looks like a plus sign (+), ‘l’ and ‘I’ can look like a 1, and ‘o’ or ‘O’ looks like a 0. they always leave me frazzled.

and last topic, i’m thinking about my holiday presents. a bit late to add something special for ten special people (exactly ten, i counted) but oh, well. i’m making some mix c.d.s for the people that don’t get on my nerves more than 75% of the time (except two or three people on the list, but that’s another story).

i’m making them for mateo, lashanda, amelia, topher, heather, angie, eve, hiral, jaxton, and colette.

for everyone else who i pretty much only hang out with because i’ve been friends with them for a while and information for ruining their lives is plentiful if i know them, (‘keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.’) i’m making them home-made hot chocolate and a milk-chocolate covered spoon coated lightly with candy cane bits. 🙂 of course, the people i like get that, too. and more (also the people who asked and who i told i would make them a c.d.).

that’s about it for now.

maybe i’ll tell you about some misfittings later this week.

only five and a half days until winter break! ❤ chorus preformance at our local mall tomorrow.

‘a true friend stabs you in the front.’ –oscar wilde

this is a blog.

this is sort of a blog.

it is, moreover, a place where i can hide from the people i actually know.

if you try to guess at who i am, i will leave.

again.

so please don’t, even if you don’t know me. i would appreciate it.

i’ll get the information out of the way:: i like sticky notes, snow, lumpia, snowglobes, santa hats, trinkets, magnets, gelato, and lily pads. i like to sketch, even though i’m pretty bad at it, and photography is a love of mine as well. i dabble in poetry but it kind of sucks.

i’m a little nuts. 🙂

i am young, and you can scoff at me if you want. i don’t mind, really. as you may discover later, i’m quite used to it.

i’m jewish, i have purple hair, glasses, and i’m a bit androgynous, loves. the crossdressing doesn’t help.

maybe you’ll find something witty or amusing in here, but for now it’s just somewhere.

‘my own buisness always bores me to death; i prefer other people’s.’-oscar wilde